Fat Girl

Two posts in two days? What??? Yes it is true. Obviously, my husband is not home.

As many of you have now realized... I moved! We love our new apartment in Plano! It does not smell like 40 year old death musk and the people 3 floors down are very alive. Freedom!

If none of that makes sense to you, perhaps you should read here

I was down in Houston this past week on work. Overall it was a successful and fulfilling trip... but no one wants to hear those kinds of stories. So, this is the story of how my famed luck failed me.

After braving a vicious thunderstorm and having my GPS give out on the bad side of town, I stumbled into my hotel later than I had intended. I had already booked a room, so I wasn't afraid of not having a place to sleep, but there is a certain hour that girls who are traveling alone need to avoid. I introduced myself to the concierge was greeted warmly (and with a cookie!) but told that the place was full and the only room available was a smoking room. Blech. He assured me it wouldn't be as bad as I thought and the next night the would move me to another room.

I rode up to the top floor, heaved my my duffel, backpack, pillow, and cooler to the end of a hall and stuck in my key card. Red light. I stuck it in again. Red light. Slower this time. Red Light. Faster. RED.

Completely exhausted, I dragged myself and my unwieldy belongings back to the front desk, waited in line again, had my cards remade, and returned to wait for the elevator again. Enter creep. Why is it that every greasy looking guy MUST fufill the stereotype of sleazy whoremonger? Does a wedding ring mean nothing??? He thought he was so clever asking why I would bring a pillow to hotel and asking if I had the rest of my bedset in my duffel. HAVE YOU NEVER WATCHED CSI? Who knows what happens in hotel rooms??! I don't want the creepy glow in the dark liquid in my hair, thank you VERY much.

I finally get to the room and BAM, I hit a wall of smoke as I came through the door. Grrrrrreat.

The first time I wrote this, it went a little long. So let me sum it up... by the end of my three day stay, I had missing possessions, a group of creeps who literally sat outside the gym and watched me workout, and was still in the smokey room.

As a side note to my husband not being home, I decided today that if I hadn't married before I finished college, I would be morbidly obese. Breck and I parted for the first time since we've tied the knot and my day went like this:

4:55 AM: Woke up on the couch in yesterdays clothes. Adjusted and went back to sleep.
9:50 AM: Woke up.
10:00 AM: Ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
10:10 AM - 1:00 PM: Pinterest.
1:10 PM: Ate queso and chips then returned to couch.
1:20 - 6:00 PM: Continued to sit on couch.
6:10 PM: More chips and queso.

I eventually got around to unpacking (from Houston), cleaning, and re-packing (for Arkansas) but the lure of the couch and queso is still very real.

Provo Pro/Con

**I need a new blog name! Any suggestions?**

I know. I am so overdue for a post. And I have so much to tell you! But before I flash forward to my new life in Texas, I think I need to give a proper farewell to my life in Provo. And what better way to do that than with the way I started this blog? It's Pro/Con list time.

Let's start Negative Nancy:
The Cons:
1. Traffic. Now this is not necessarily because Utah drivers are bad. BYU/UVU campuses have students from all over the world, and the culmination of all those driving habits is a near disaster. Combine that with Utah road crews (assuming they exist... I've only ever seen their equipment) and you have a full on catastrophe. I won't draw this out too long, but let me just get this out there: THE TURNING LANE IS RESERVED FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE TURNING. It is NOT your place to jump over to the other side of the rode and wait for traffic to thin. Idiot.
2. Culture. Those who say that the area has no culture are completely wrong. Sure, there may not be much diversity to that culture, but the beast exists. Here are a few things things that rub me wrong:
-Girls checking out girls more than they check out guys.
-Guys that travel in packs, all wearing variations of the same shirt.
-Grocery stores/Gas Stations that act as potential mating grounds (cough Smiths cough 7/11)
-The Belmont/Arlington Fashion Show (aka Church)
-General feeling of superiority to all other human beings.
-The abbreviation of everything, even if it is only a one syllable word to begin with.
3. Housing. Housing in Provo is the biggest joke that ever happened. First, the idea of BYU Housing Codes is just plan stupid. If people want to have sexy time, they are going to do it whether they have a room to do it or not. And why was I 21 and still having cleaning checks in my apartment??? Stop. Just stop. PLUS, they are ungodly expensive for the quality you get. For the same price as the crappiest apartment in Provo, I could practically get a penthouse in a nice area of Dallas, PLUS a pool, laundry, and a full gym.

Alright enough of that! Time for the Pros:
1. The People. Nuts good people in this place. Ambitious, creative, and clean, Provo is a hub for the best sort. Sure, many of the guys need to rethink their pant size and many girls needs to grow a pair when it comes to dating, but at the core they are solid. I am really going to miss the friends I've made.
2. Adventure. Seriously, Utah is a the best place to be for a good dose of excitement. If you have the time to travel... Moab, Zion's, Yellowstone, Vegas, San Diego, San Francisco, and Park City are all a day or less on the road. If you don't have time for that, the people here will literally do anything for fun. Slide on a trash can lid down a drainage tube? Yep. Hunt each other with marshmallow guns in the mountains? Done. Endless nights of dancing to a variety of strange party themes? All in a days work.
3. Setting. Even freezing cold and scraping 2 inches of ice off my car window, I could look around and appreciate how beautiful Provo is. Winter and Summer, there is something majestic about being snuggled up between a mountain and a lake. There are not many places were you can drive a mile and be in an enchanted wilderness, or go to the local running path and find yourself on a winding trail beside a bubbling brook. Take time to appreciate it.

Thus ends college days in Provo. Undoubtedly the best collection of years in my life.

Goodnight wild thing.

Days 82-92: Puppies

We have less than a week in Utah! The closer we get to leaving, the more I appreciate this place. But my ode to Provo will have to wait, because today, puppies happened.

It's always a good day when we visit my Aunt and Uncle's family in Payson. Not only are they the funniest collection of people you will ever meet, they are also always down for an adventure! Today we went up the Payson canyon for a morning hike.

We might of been driving recklessly... we accidentally hit this pretty bird :(

But the hike was gorgeous!

The trail was a little over 3 miles but the company made the going easy

Yay! We did it!

After the hike, we headed back down for a delicious breakfast that probablly maxed our calorie intake for the day. And then... it was puppy time!

My aunt is a superstar labradoodle (poodle/lab mix) breeder. In the past month she has had two litters of puppies - one of the litters came out in the back seat of her minivan! With 16 puppies, all under a month old, her house is my heaven on earth. The younger puppies still haven't opened their eyes, but they are so cute!

Ooooo I die!

The older puppies are still a little unsteady on their feet, but I just want to hang out with them forever! Just look at these colors!

They will get confused and start sucking on your fingers if you're not careful

Whispering sweet nothings to each other

This little Polar bear got all tuckered out

This little girl was Breck's favorite

And this one and I got on famously

How could it not be an excellent day? If you want to see more of these puppies (or if you are in the market) you can check out my Aunt's blog here

Buh Bye for now!

Day 71-81: Husband

Do you know how FRUSTRATING moving can be? SUPER FRUSTRATING. Like that time earlier today when I spent $70 over-nighting our rental application, only to find out that the only apartment available was snatched up yesterday. Ripping. Out. Hair.

This is one of the days I am super grateful to have the goofiest husband in the world. Oh, you thought Breck was a stoic manly man who only likes sports and eating steaks? WRONG! (Even though he does love those things.)

I think it is time for a spotlight on Breck. This is my husband.

Today I was leaving for work, I saw a scrap of paper with his tiny scribble on it. Thinking it might be one of his cute little love notes, I peeked closer.
It read,

"Sometimes, I like to pretend that I am a gorilla and run down the street pounding my chest and making ape noises and climbing trees"

And folks, that is just exhibit A.

One of his favorite pastimes is terrifying me. Back when we were dating, we would stay up late watching The Walking Dead (He watched, I cried and hid under the blankets.) Then, instead of being a gentlemen and walking me out, he would pretend to die, come back to life as a zombie and chase me to my car. And you think this is a fun flirty routine? No. He is practically an Academy Award winning actor and a very convincing undead. When we moved into the mortuary, I made him pinky promise, no crosses that Zombies were no longer allowed. Now, I get to deal with sweet neck kisses that turn into vampire attacks and various other monsters that jump out at me whenever I round a corner.

His talents don't end there! This kid loves doing voices. You have your normal accents, Australian, Scottish, and Russian. He can do characters pretty well too! Whenever he says, "Always" like Severus Snape I get tingles. But my absolute favorite is "Elmos", Elmo with a latin flare. I tried to get a video of it... but I'm not as sneaky as I like to think. But the voice isn't the important part... who the heck comes up with, "Elmos"???

Anyway, that's a tiny peek into life with the Mr. Breck Story. He puts me in such a great mood :) So does my favorite band singing Disney songs:


Total side note, but is anyone else obsessed with Chris Powell???

Just look at that... smile.

If you have not seen Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition, stop anything productive you are doing in your life and spend the next 10 or so hours with a quick Hulu marathon. In a sentence, it is a season of the Biggest Loser wrapped into a two hour package of complete and perfect motivational joy. I mean LOOK at this:

What MAKES the show is the trainer. Possibly the most sincere guy on television, Chris Powell is my hero. And yes he has a bomb.com body but you honestly can't think about it too much because you are so distracted by how good of a guy he is. If you do take me up on this, I would start with either Rachel or LaRhonda, they have been my fav's so far! Added benefit of watching is you feel extra skinny! Just being able to see your feet feels like a life accomplishment.

Day 68-70: Garage Sale

First I'll cover the details. We are moving because:
1. My job asked me to be their Texas representative.
2. We miss being close to family (moving to the Dallas will make either Conway or San Antonio just a 5 hour trip away!)
3. Breck promised me that if we moved, I could have a puppy.

Obviously, the third option was the driving force behind the decision.

How does this affect our situation with the Mortuary? We were really nervous to bring it up bossman (i.e. Breck was nervous because there was no way that I was going to do it.) However, much to our relief, they were very understanding and civil. We will be staying here until they can find another suitable couple. Am I allowed to keep the blog name?

So back to moving! If ANYONE is familiar with the Plano/Carrolton/Richardson area in North Dallas could you give me advice on decent apartment complexes? Apartment hunting from a different state is a nightmare. You'll find an apartment like this:

And it will have decent ratings (anything above 50% is pretty solid)

But then the comments will include pictures like this:

Like I said, NIGHTMARE.

So if anyone has any suggestions please let me know!

Before we leave, we are going to try and sell anything bigger than a suitcase. Sad for us but awesome for anyone needing some new furniture! Here are some of the things we are interested in selling. If you see anything to your fancy, let me know!

First lot: Our BRAND new couch. Maybe 2 months old. Gray microfiber, no stains or smells, and very comfortable!

2. Our BRAND new desk. No scratches or scuffs, probably been sat at 3 times.

3. End table, and maybe that Lamp if we don't have room.

4. My favorite piece of furniture. It's a coffee table, but Breck forces me to use it as a TV stand. Very sturdy and it has so much character!

5. Table with 4 chairs. It's a light wood and a very dark green. Great for newlyweds!

6. Two bar stools.

7. Audrey Hepburn. Glossy mount, great condition.

8. Antique gold frame. Okay these sell for like a billion dollars at antique stores and have all sorts of potential! It doesn't go with my "theme" so I'll give someone else a killer deal.

9. Antique, gold-gilded world map.

10. Craft Keeper (Excuse my mess)

11. Fancy room divider.

12. My car! 2002 Mercury Cougar, leather seats, sunroof, great little engine, 95600 miles. (Bossman says I need something that gets 35+ in the city!)

Let me know if you are interested! We don't have solid prices, but we will probably err on the cheaper side just to get rid of it all!

P.S. Can ANYONE get through The Blind Side without crying? Holy cow, I've had to break from writing this post 3 times for tissues!

Day 65-67: Drumroll Please

Ready for the secret? It was a surprise to him too...


I'll post details later, but it's for certain! We are off to the next great adventure!

Oh and I'm pregnant.

Haha no I'm not you sicko's, I just wanted to make my mom jump :)

Day 53-64: Secrets, Secrets

I have something huge to tell you. But it's secret so you'll have to wait.

Until then, let me share something that is guaranteed to make you smile.

This is Annie

She is my niece! What a doll, I know.
Now, Annie has many talents. She can paint:

Play sports:

Make pies:

Park cars:

Plus she is an expert sharer:

But the big news is that last week Annie graduated from Preschool! Yay Annie!
She is that charmer in yellow:

She was thrilled!

And here, taking in the moment with her sweet mom:

And my favorite:


I haven't been able to stop laughing at these for the past week, so thanks Brant and Coralee for understanding why I had to steal them!

P.S. If any one was curious about the mortuary, it's been NUTS. I know this will come off as unsympathetic, but people have been dropping like flies. We've already had 2 calls today, 2 yesterday, and FOUR on Sunday! Seriously? Just a warning people, eat your Wheaties.