4.29.2012

Days 1-6: Naked

So we finally moved in to the mortuary! Bright and early Monday morning we began to carry 9 truck loads of our belongs up 4 flights of stairs. My mom had been in town for my graduation and volunteered to stay and help us settle in, but even with the extra hands it was exhausting work. By the time we finished the last haul, we were all dead (hehe).

After a short break, I was nominated as the smelliest and got the first shower while my mom went with Breck to purchase our new couch. Now, after 5 o'clock, we are supposed to be the only (living) people in the mortuary, so I didn't think to lock the front door. And, feeling pretty comfortable in my own home, I didn't close the bathroom door when I hopped in the shower to lather up.

I didn't elaborate in my first post, so let me take a second and explain our position. We are live in stewards of the Berg Mortuary. We live in the upstairs apartment and don't pay for rent or utilities and get an additional stipend each month. The catch is that we have to be home whenever the funeral directors leave for the night. That means we have to be at home from 5PM-8AM everyday for the next year. Yikes, I know. But the duties are pretty simple; we answer the phones and the doorbell if they ring. Plus we can hire babysitters to take our place, and still go on dates and adventures. If you were given the opportunity as a newly wed couple, what would you do?

Anways so I am in the shower, 100% soaked and bubbly, when DINGDONG the doorbell rings.

Crap.

Thinking I can make it downstairs if I hurry, I turn off the shower, swing open the door, fling my wet hair over to grab my towel, and when I straighten up, I see a strange man standing about 10 feet away from me in my living room.
I freeze for half a second, and then quietly shut the shower door and fold down into a fetal position. My stream of consciousness went something like this:

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. OMG. Okay calm down, maybe he didn't hear you. Of course he heard you you idiot, you're in a huge, quiet, dead-person house and you sing like a banshee in the shower. Well maybe he just wants to take the TV. Maybe he will just steal everything and leave you alone. Nope. You just flashed him. He's going to kill you. You are about to die. And people are going to find your naked body by the toilet. You should of lost a few more pounds. Why don't you keep knives in the shower?

I hear the front door slam.

Still cautious, I peek out the door, but he was no where in sight. I throw some clothes out and run for my phone. Nothing seems to be stolen but I'm panicking and want Breck home immediately. I'm still not completely sure what is going on and I don't want to make too big of a deal out of it, so when Breck picks up I retell the tale more as if it was a funny story. He didn't think it was so funny.

So with him on his way home I sit on a pile of our moving boxes to breathe for a second. Nothing happened, I'm good. Until I hear a pair of footsteps pounding up the stairs and realize I still haven't locked the door.

I only have time to stand up and back away from the door before the same man comes bursting in through my doorway. And that's when I see the uniform.

It's the air conditioning guy.

He quickly apologized and said that he had knocked just a few minutes before but no one had been home. I decided to let him keep thinking that, and told him to go ahead and finish what he had been working on. It was clear that he really hadn't heard me in the shower and had no idea that I had been there the entire time. Whew.

But then my very angry husband got home.

Let's just say it was a eventful first day in the new place! Pictures will be in the next post! Also, as a fair warning, we hear about some pretty sad things working here. I will probably post some of them just to get it off my chest, but I'll keep them at the end so you can skip that part if you prefer! Stay tuned!

2 comments:

  1. Brielle, I can completely picture you curling up in a ball in the bathroom. I can't tell you I didn't laugh... because I definitely did! But I know if it was me I would have been horrified as well!

    Good thing for big, protective husbands!

    This sounds like an interesting adventure. So excited to read your blog about it over the next year!

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  2. Kourt!!! Haha it was quite the experience... but as long as it makes a good story I'm down for more!

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