My Not So Perfect Life

Social Media. It's kind of like looking at the world through rose colored glasses yeah? If you only knew me through Facebook or Instagram you might think life is rainbows and unicorns.

Sometimes, it is:

And sometimes it's not:

So today, instead of glossing over the bad parts in hopes of appearing like I have it all together all the time, here are some of the worst parts of being me. 

1. FP. Let's be honest guys, my fat potential is off the charts. If I look at a piece of cheesecake for too long I gain 5 pounds. It's a daily struggle:

I try so hard. But then my arch nemesis/best friend chocolate waves at me from the check out line and I can't help it. Just a little bit right?

No. All of the chocolates. 

My inevitable future:

2. True story: Minutes after asking me to marry him, Breck called his best friend Karl to tell him the good news. Quoting him, "Yeah as long as she shaves her legs everyday it should be great."

I have hairy legs. All the time. I take a shower, I shave my legs, I get goosebumps and by the time my shower is over, I have spikes.

It's like each follicle has a hoard of hairs just waiting to surface:

Breck is not a fan:

Whatever, fur is fashionable

Now you may be wondering:

Don't worry, it gets worse.

3. You've heard the term hangry?

Most people when they are hangry:

Extreme cases of hangry:

Me when I'm hangry:

It is not pleasant. But when I'm hungry I can't think of anything but the quickest way to eat. Survival is very much a part of me. Plus:  

This is America people!

4. Have I told you about that one time some one put a baby in my arms and I started crying I was so scared? Trust me, your evil cat is better with kids than I am.

I live in fear of parents ripping children out of my hands with a scathing look and telling me I'm not supporting their head properly. Geez! I'm the youngest! I don't know what to do with my hands!

And comforting a crying a baby? Hopeless:

I might as well give up and embrace my true tendencies:

5. Road rage. So much road rage.
Timeline of events. I see a back up:

And even if it's the best day of my life:

Things change quickly:

WHY COULD WE POSSIBLY BE GOING SO SLOWLY???

I even start to hate the people that got in accidents that cause the traffic. There are lines! Can you not stay in the lines????

And people that take a year and a half to turn right????

Oh you're going to cut me off after speeding down a lane that you know is going to merge?? I WILL follow you home. 

It's only a matter of time...

But serenity now, to err is human.

P.S. I hope you like me despite all this. Otherwise...