Conway Road Trip

What??! Two road trips back to back? Life on the edge.

This weekend we drove to Breck's hometown in Arkansas. I remember when we first started dating...

Friend: So who is this new boy?
Me: Oh Breck? We are trying the whole long distance thing out, he lives in Arkansas.
Friend: Arkansas? Does he have all his teeth? (Smug laughter)

Sure, Arkansas is the home of Walmart:

But it is seriously gorgeous!

And the people there are kind and wonderful, and "bless your heart" every chance they get. 

Anyway. The big event of the weekend was the Toad Suck Daze. I know, I know, this was my first thought too: 

The legend behind Toad Suck refers to the time when steamboats traveled the Arkansas River. When the water was not deep enough, the steamboats tied up near Conway. While the crew waited, they loitered over refreshments at the local tavern. People living nearby commented, "They suck on the bottle 'til they swell up like toads."  Thus, toad suck. 

We went with Breck's parents and his gorgeous little sister, Darienne:

I'm kind of mad about that man just waltzing into the back of my picture. 

Much Better.

First stop was to check out "Stuck on a Truck." A group of people are chosen to compete for a brand new Ford F-150. How do you win? You have to keep a hand on the truck until you are the last one standing. This group had already been there for 49 hours when we got there. 

A five minute bathroom break every hour, but no chance to sleep! The longest time anyone has lasted is 136 hours... 6 freaking days!

Next we visited a friends boutique (shoutout to Appletree!) that was just around the corner. When we walked in, she and her mom took us right over to their sign board display. Right in the center of it all was one with our name... established on our wedding year! Apparently a friend of Breck's family had made it for our wedding and forgotten to gift it. Time passed and they were embarrassed to send it late... so it's been on display for the last few months.

Time for food. There was a lot of it.

There was so many fried food options: Kool-Aid, Oreos, Twinkies, Cookie Dough, Green Tomatoes etc. We settled on the Fried cheesecake:

I ate an entire jumbo corndog by myself, but there is no way to take a picture of eating a corndog and remain dignified... so we are going to skip that. 

It took us forever to find a turkey leg, but after accosting a small girl to find out were she got hers, we found them! 

I ate most of that too. 

Of course, Ronald Mcdonald (Arkansas Mascot) was there. 

As was this adorable girl who I creepily took a picture of on accident. (Note the Mommy and Me matching cheetah suits.)

I guess after that point I was so busy eating I forgot to take pictures, but we had the best time! 

P.S.

San Antonio Roadtrip

Riddle: What is the probability of Breck and I having two separate incidents of the alternator giving out in two different cars within the same year? Apparently pretty freaking probable.

We were visiting San Antonio when my parents car gave out on this deserted Texas road. Just our luck right?

Lo and behold, there just happened to be one little lonely car station in the middle of the desolation. A huge thanks to San Pedro Ward for your prayers for your Bishop! (Or super human Bishop powers, I'm not sure what was at play.)

While we waited for the car, we noticed a pretty legit chopper out front. The owner of the shop told me to hop on and try it out (aka pretend to try it out because me actually reaching those handles is a joke) I assumed it was his bike, so of course I took him up on the offer.

It was not his bike. It was Woody's. 

Never a normal day, people.

After the car was fixed, we continued on to Johnson City to check out the LBJ ranch.

We saw tons of wild flowers. 

And lots of cows. It was all very Texas. 

The ranch house turned out to be pretty cool. President Johnson would invite foreign dignitaries out to the ranch and take him for a ride in this car:

He would be driving and chatting, and then suddenly veer down a gulch down towards the lake screaming "THE BREAKS ARE OUT!" He would drive these poor foreigners straight into the lake... only to float! The car is actually an amphicar and works as a boat too. 

I made Breck pretend to be president. It could happen, he has very presidential hair. 

We weren't allowed to take pictures inside the house because, as we all know, flash photography is kryptonite for everything that needs preserving. One of the other guys on the tour tried to sneak a picture inside the LBJ family room and a century old chest from Japan burst into flames. Really long description to explain why I am standing in front of this random car.

My cutest parents:

Next stop was Gruene , Texas (pronounced Green).   

On the way we ate these adorable Fiesta cookies:

And we brushed up on our Trivia skills. My mom answered EVERY single question correctly. For like 100 cards. I was the reader when this card came up:

I accidentally read the middle question, "Who was erected overnight in August 1962?" I giggled. Breck and my dad were not amused. 

The Gristmill for Dinner! So good!

Oh and just in case you were wondering what Breck's reaction is whenever I pull out my camera:

And this is Harry the family dog. Hell will smell like his breath. But he doesn't mind have his picture taken... nor does he burst into flame. 

On the way back to Dallas, we stopped in Austin for a day to meet my brand new nephew Leo! He is a precious little lion. He even has the mane! 

I can't even...

Methinks Breck even got a wee bit baby hungry:

*Pops birth control pill* 

Twitter

I'm social media awkward.

I get these lightening bolt thoughts.

And I think to myself, "Holy teledo Batman! That might just be tweetable!"

So I get cracking

But wait! I must contain this brilliant thought into just 140 characters? It simply will not fit!

Yet, how can I deny the world this delightful quip?? I will make this work!

I struggle happily for a while

I've got it! Alas, this hilariously relevant hashtag won't fit. So... close.

And then, perfection. It all comes together. 

Oh man... this is going to be great

I'll just close my computer so when I come back I can enjoy all those retweets and favorites in their fullness.

Two minutes later...

I excitedly click on the Connect tab to see how many people appreciate my cleverness. Sadly...

No one! No recognition! I am unretweetable.  

But wait, what's this I hear?

A melodious ping of recognition?? I hurriedly check again, only to find, "@bri_ellsworth *changeable not changable #spellcheck" 

Really Twitter friend?

I give up.

From now on, you are just a place where my Instagram pictures go to live. 

P.S. Don't you hate when people correct your grammar every other second? Ugh, is anyone worse?

Touché Harry. Touché.

All the Worst Things About Getting Married

Alright. So you've seen the countless articles encouraging people to be less critical about the institution of marriage? As a certifiable (I literally have a certificate to prove this) married person, I think I should warn all you non-married people what you are really in for.

Without further ado, here is the list of the awful, unspeakable horrors that happen when you choose to get married:

1. Tears. So many tears.

Before I was married, I was an emotional rock. I was once forced to tell a boy I loved that we had to break up because my parents didn't approve (very Jane Austen, I know) and I didn't even shed a tear.

I'm not sure what happend, but now all you have to do is show me the Christian the Lion youtube video and my face is so wet that an entire army of Charmin Bears can not fix me. There were no tears when I saw the kid friendly cartoon The Croods. There were no tears because they drowned in the waterfall that was my face.

2. Nightmares.

This is not just me, I swear. It has been confirmed by at least 90% of the 3 or 4 people I've talked to about it. Crazy, horrifying nightmares where your spouse dies/cheats/has something awful happen etc.

Before I was married I had pleasant nightmares where I watched the world end. Now I have to wake up next to someone who I swear I just saw kissing Adrienne Lima! Much, much worse. No joke, I had a dream last night where I was looking at Instagram and someone had posted a picture of Breck snuggling with another girl in OUR bed! Obviously I woke him up very early in the morning to let him know just what I thought about that. That scoundrel dream Breck.

3.  Football.

Oh my groan. Before marriage I thought football was a tv show that boys liked to watch. No. Football is a religion that boys will study, worship, preach, dress up for, and never ever miss a service.

Not to mention superstition. I REALLY thought it was a joke. But it's cool, now I know if any doors in our apartment are open, if Breck's hands are cold, or if I sit in the lounge chair, Michigan will lose.

4. Couple Dating.

You thought finding a guy who liked you despite your abnormalaties was hard, try finding another couple where all four of you get along. I would say it's the equivalent of running full speed at an outlet with your charger and successfully plugging it in. Sometimes it fits, sometimes your banging your head against a wall.

5. Boy Things.

This will vary based on your husband. For one of my friends, it's that when her husband wants to be intimate with her, he tells her that he is going to, "lay the pipe." Another one of my friends gets farted on as an alarm clock. Breck moons me at least 5 times a day. Not a thing of pleasure.

Now you know. Prepare accordingly.